Time and chance.

​Time and chance, words stuck in my head for the past few days like little pests determined not to let go.I sing time, dance to chance, Eat time, sleep chance. So  earlier today as i was sitting in my place of inspiration which happens to be in the washrooms, (Guessing its because of the solitude and you all once in a while come up with ideas from in there, don’t you?) I tried to figure out what those two words were  all about in the simplest of ways, which took me back in time, a while ago, when a group of friends from my primary school years decided to hold a get together party.

I wasn’t the coolest of kids back then,though i tried to blend in with the cool ones thanks to my grandma (may she rest in piece) i was determined to impress everyone at the party especially this one girl who always “got the guys “and in order to be kept in the circle of cool friends the less cool(that would be me) had to carry her bag home as she walked hand in hand with her prince charming, which by the way were numerous, how that used to make me jealous. My determination had me call my best friend,  plan on killer moves that would make everyone want to be us. 

We had to go in last at the party,duh! its game on. Basically  i am short, which most people find adorable, my floral stiletto dress and heels made me feel like a goddess, (Don’t blame me, i have never told my esteem to raise that high) and in we matched to the hall where the party was. The shock i got, In a minute i thought i was in the wrong place. Do you believe that people can change? I mean literally change. people whose faces looked familiar yet i could have sworn to never have seen them before. A mixture of people who seemed to be in their early thirties, teenagers, hard to believe we all once shared a class, harder to believe we all were in the same age group,  (16-20)if more twenty four.

“Our girl”had aged and with two kids, and jobless. Not just her, people who had a bright future back then were now the village drunks, with sad tales and money problems. I had no one to impress for no one cared being cool they all had problems. Only a few of us had managed to go to college. Its not that their parents couldn’t afford but because of the choices they made.Most of them like my granny used to say, had rushed life. They had jumped some steps in life.I was just a collage student, depending on my family for support and doing some odd jobs just in process of learning to be independent and save for the future, i was reminded of our teacher who kept telling us that one day some of us would look back and regret the time they wasted on irrelevant things. She always told us that we all had the same opportunity. How true she was. 

Blame free will, the choices some of us had made, we had fun and lots of catching up with some fake smiles hiding pain and some scorn. As i walked towards the bus stop, a car pulled on the other side of the road and the driver signalled me,( by signal i mean shouts my name) Oh! its the class nerd, he used to be, who gives me a ride back to the city in his car, were we in the same class? I have no idea.

How life changed for each one of us. Different people, given the same opportunity but time and chance working differently for them. Reminding me of, i have  seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.

The unfair game i have to play.

How am i supposed  to compete,for with all my confidence, i still feel like an elephant in a body of a locust?
How do i win in a world full of competitors?

How am i supposed to tell my stories to a world that has its book full? How if not by building my own small world. But then, will it not let me win or give me credits when i don’t  deserve it? How do i become better when everyone wants to be better without me inviting envy and jealous around me? Do i pull down my esteem alittle to show people that i care about what they  think of me and to show them that they have effect on me when they dont and i actually don’t  care?Do i let fake smiles fool me, people walk all over me so as to give them a sense of superiority or do i walk with my head held high and stumble on them like the queen i believe to be?

How am i supposed  to fit in? To accommodate all without the lofty glances, making enemies, criticism? How do i compete with the superior, the weak and the equals? With the world that has all without  feeling more or less? How if not by letting people be who they want? How if not by being me? How would you?

How do i show that i love and care too much without being taken for a weakling? Do i stop caring but then be branded with animosity rudeness and in human?

why pluck my teeth off and expect a smile with grace and not disgust and sarcasm dearest world? How fairly do i compete? How do i eliminate evil from good when my good can be your evil?

How would you do it? Is it a competition if i just be me? my competition, with only me as a competitor?

Believe in you.
Trust God.
Know your God. For i know mine.

The faint whisper in the wind.

He drives home from a business  meeting. Glad that office  hours are over and he can go home to his family.  He smiles at the thought of his beautiful  family. The other day his daughter said her first words. It happened  when his wife was cooking , his mother was playing  with her, when she called him, papa. He is happy.  He is eager  to reach home,but he never does. News of his assassination are never heard of. why would they broadcast it?
His killers  will never be brought to book. He had a family, Friends, he had a good heart. Always doing good. But he was forced to his end.

She was late for work but it was still  very early in the morning.She was sad, her son was sick and he missed her alot. she hardly had time for him, she never knew that was her last morning  with him. She was raped and killed on her way to work. I cried when i heard what had happened  to her, not that i knew her but sad, right? Her son was only eight years old.

What drives one to end the life of another human being? where does the courage  come from? Every  evening i watch  two very beautiful  birds, the mother bird feeds the baby bird and close together they keep each other warm, even them know how to care for each other.

What is becoming  of us, the human  race. Everyday we hear of murder and almost nothing is done. We talk about it when it concerns us. If it don’t  happen  to people around us why would we talk about it? Right? We forget that someday it might be us. It might be people we care about. Think about it.

Everyday  we hear of how strong words are. How powerful words are yet we don’t  speak them. A word from each can change what we are becoming  and make it better.Little talks about corruption, tribalism,individualism,  murder, poverty,power,togetherness, love,peace, among others can bring change to few individuals who have no fear of the future, who don’t  care for  the tomorrow  people, their own children, who only think of themselves and how to fatten their  already fat purses.It gets  me wondering,don’t  they have the fear of God?

Who am i kidding? If people in power dares talk and no one listens who am i or should i rather say, who are we, we that don’t  have an audience?  we, who go as far as to think of a change and do nothing about it?What choice  do we have than to just pray for a better tomorrow, pray that out there someone else is working for a change as hard as we are thinking about  it.

As i write a R.I.P message for him and her just to console their  families who may never get justice, i can’t  help but wonder how their killers  will sleep at night, Will they celebrate  and tell themselves that they did well? Which shoes should  i fit in to understand how there can be so good people  and bad people at the same time?  I may never understand but this i know, there is a reward for good and evil and I hope that  love and truth are
stronger in the end than any evil or
misfortune in the world.

when life beats you.

Am numb,
Emeciated,
It suffocating.  I  wanna get out of this cage, but i can’t move,
Am trying but there is a lump in my throat. Is it tied to my legs?
why can’t i move? won’t look up, won’t  open my eyes.
Its standing over me, with a hammer hitting me deep to the ground.
Oh world, you’ve  beat me, but i won’t  cry. Am too young to give up.
I see the light, its a firefly. its whispering  to me, To get up and try again.
so what that life has beat me this time round? That it has pushed me too far? I will swallow that lump, i will free my legs, I’ll  stop trying to move and move.  watch out oh world, am coming for you. I will win.

The next time we meet at  battlefield better be prepared. I have new moves. You’ll  see me dance as the nightingale sings a song. A victory song. Because I’ll  beat you.

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What’s your reflection?

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My reflection is not made of my failures, my shattered  dreams, no, it is that of  the great things i am to do.  I may be that girl from ghetto, (with a high density of slum dwellers and unemployment). Grew up in a violent environment.  Surrounded  by idlers who discourage  and pull me down. But,

My dreams and ambition are what i see in the mirror. They are greater than what people see. I beleive in my capabilities. In the worth i am.  I see success when people see a failure.
Did David the small shepherd boy not kill Goliath  with a stone? And later become king to Israel?

We determine who we are.

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I see greatness, i see a success. What do you see?

When sugar becomes bitter.

I saw a man throw his wife out today. Took all her clothes to a nearby river and watched the waters carry  them away.  I could see the hate in his eyes, got me wondering, what happened to their love story? To the happily  ever after?

Did the butterflies  they once felt hatch caterpillars that slowly without knowing  destroyed their love nest? How about how weak they felt when they looked in each others eyes, where did the strength  to beat each other up come from?

For better for worse, for richer for poor has become a legend that once was for some. How does love that was once sweet become soo bitter.  I will keep on wondering,  someday i might understand.

Meanwhile  my dearest future husband, as a friend said, we might have already met, maybe at the supermarket, at the bus station or you  may be with your girlfriend  or heart  broken, but honey when we finally  say “i do”  let our song go on forever.  Be prince charming  and i snow white and our paradise be forever.  Let it be, i was meant  to love you and you me.

I will be here waiting ,  believing  in love that is kind, doesn’t  rejoice in evil, love that is patience and doesn’t  hurt .  Love, that will never turn into hate.  This is for sure though, i will be thinking about you.

Love

Love, they say so many people search in a lifetime for you. There are those that find you embrace  you then let go. Those that seek and never find. Those that love  never to be loved back.

Oh love, when i love, let it not be he who loves another. Why do you have to be soo complicated dear love? Why do you have to be so amazing and hurt at the same time.

I guess i have to find out but in the meantime  let me believe in, love is kind, love is patience,love doesn’t rejoice in evil.

Do they really know?

She looks back at who she was, pure, a heart of gold a kind soul. A faded smile appear  and vanishes before she too realizes  it. Tears and sadness  replace it. So what went wrong? When did she become heartless?when did she know of evil? She too doesn’t  understand.

She remembers the good days when her heart,mind and soul  weren’t  corrupted by the evil world. She hates that she sold her dignity, that her principles are misplaced. She dreams no more with her world small and crooked. 

So now that her humanity is lost. That her sins seem unforgivable, and all you do is give her lofty glances and say the things you never say on her face, she wonders, do you all know? Do you understand that all she needs is love, prayer and maybe some less harsh judgement? Will you understand her reasons  for being who she is now? Will you listen you of good deeds?